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    xDaStallionx - OTA App [DENIED/PENDING]

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    xDaStallionx
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    xDaStallionx - OTA App [DENIED/PENDING]

    Post by xDaStallionx on Sat Jan 14, 2012 4:00 pm

    Steam Name: xDaStallionx

    Steam ID: STEAM_0:1:34503172

    Age: 14

    First Name: Jon

    Gender: Male

    Requested Unit Digits (5): 45389

    How long have you been roleplaying? For about two years

    How long have you been roleplaying in serious OpenAura servers? Two years

    How long have you been roleplaying in serious HL2RP servers? One year

    Do you have any past experience roleplaying as an Overwatch unit? Yes, but not a lot.

    If so, what were your ranks in those servers for Overwatch? ECHO OWS

    Do you have any past experience roleplaying as a Civil Protection unit? Yes.

    If so, what were your ranks in those servers for Civil Protection? Up to rank 02

    Why do you want to join the Overwatch Transhuman Arm?

    Because back in Nova Gaming I never got the full experience as an OTA unit, and I do like to know more about them.

    Do you have any skills or knowledge that could relatively assist the Overwatch Transhuman Arm (lifeguard/medical training, firearms knowledge, etc.)? I do know basic medical treatment for bullet wounds etcedera. etcedera.

    What are your character's personality traits? (Personality and mentality.)


    Calm, quiet, and obeys anyone he trusts.


    What type of armed force was your character affiliated with before and during the 7 Hour War? (police force, military, airforce, etc) Military.

    Write a background story (app. 4+ paragraphs) of your character's life, and how they were captured in the 7 Hour War to become transhumanized:


    Danny Foster was born in the state of New York, United States, October Seventh, 1984.

    He had a great life since a child. His parents helped him with his homework for school, and his friends always had his back when he was in trouble. His brother, David, had been an idol to him. He was a police officer working for the NYPD

    to protect the citizens of New York City. He also part timed as an assistant for doctors in the hospital for the sake of helping injured police officers. Danny followed David's footsteps, and eventually went to school for medical training.

    Soon, he got out of school, ready to face the world. But of course, life isn't that good. After a few years, Danny got drafted into the military to fight. He didn't know what it was for, and didn't bother to read the draft. He signed it, wanting

    to protect his friends and family, just like David. He turned the draft in, and let his family know where he was going.


    Dannys parents were in shock. His mother, Sarah Foster, was sitting on the couch in the living room. Crying about his sons fate. Dannys father, John Foster, was standing in front of Danny, with his arms crossed. They all are in the living room, except for David, who was still at work.

    Oblivious about his brother going to war. They tried calling him, but he was not answering the phone. The phone didn't even ring, and they assumed the phone line in the police station was down. Dannys father places his hands on Dannys shoulders and said, "Danny... your making the family proud for your hard work

    and determination to protect your family. Your mother agrees that you grew up a fine man. I want you to know that we love you, and that we expect you to come home safe and sound." Danny nods to his father. "Of course dad." Danny hugs his father, and goes up to his room to pack.

    After packing, he pulls over his coat, and waves goodbye to his parents. His mother wept as he left the front door, and his father stood, watching him walk to his car.

    Dannys yells back before he enters his car, "Tell David that i'll see him soon too!". He enters his car, pulls out his keys, and starts up his car. Pulling out, he waves one final time to his parents, and drives off.


    His commanding officer told him what he was going to fight. He didn't belive it. Aliens? Sience fiction, he told himself. It didn't take long before he realized how wrong he was. An hour

    later, the helipcopter Danny was riding was flying over a warzone. Robotic war machines, Giant spider-like contraptions that shot strange

    beams of light. He couldn't belive it. Thousands were injured on the battle field and he couldn't bear the sight. Landing on uneven ground, the troops and Danny jumped out, and headed towardsa group of tanks firing on the spider-like alien robot-things.

    He climbed in, and manned the machine turret mounted on the side of the tank. It didn't take long for the spider to notice, and shot several of the beams of light at them. The tank was being torn to pieces, and Danny didn't know what to do.

    The turret exploded, sending Danny back against the tanks fortified metal walls. He looked around the tank, smoke obscuring his eyes, and attempted to escape the smoking tank. He opened the hatch, and climbed out. Diving out of the tank as it went up in flames and exploded.

    The pieces flying everywhere. Danny couldn't move. He can't see, and most of all, so many people had died, screaming for someone to help them. It went black, and Danny didn't know why. When he came to, he was being dragged across the chaos by an unknown figure. His hands were cold

    and firm, and he didn't have the strength to move his head to look at his savior, or capturer. He didn't care. He knew he was going to die. He thought about his life, how he wanted to impress his brother, David. He thought about his friends, lying in a pool of blood on the battlefield.

    Then he came to a realization. He was next in line. His vision went black again, and David thought it would be the last time he saw the light of day.


    Danny awoke, blinded by a bright light overhead. He can't feel his limbs, and he can't move his head. He could hear several sounds leak into his ears. Screaming. Drills spinning. Strange voices. He didn't know where he was, but he felt someone was near him.

    He was speaking, or maybe it was a she? Or both? Niether? He didn't know. He managed to look down at his body. It didn't look like his. It was strapped into a strange contraption, and he couldn't see well, his vision is blurred and all he could see was a blur

    of his body, but it didn't look right. It confused him. Then he heard up-kept voices, then his vision went black again. This time when he woke up, he didn't even know his own name. He looked down at himself, confused. The only thing he remembers about himself is only a number.


    Only a number.


    Provide an example of passive roleplay as an Overwatch unit (app. 2+ paragraphs or 20 lines):

    /me stands idle, holding his MP7A1.

    /me removes the ammunition clip, placing it on his belt.

    /me looks inside the chamber for the clip, noticing the rust forming inside.

    /me collects oil and a cloth, and squeezes a few drops of the oil into the chamber.

    /me takes the cloth and wipes the inside of the gun.

    /me replaces the cloth, taking a look inside of the gun.

    /me nods, placing the oil away.

    /me takes the clip, and tests it's slide into the chamber.

    /me nods again, and places the gun on his sling, pulling our his sidearm.

    /me removes the clip, looking into teh chamber.

    /me nods once again, sliding it back in.

    /me checks the safety on the gun.

    /me clips the safety on, and slides the clip back in.

    /me tests the safety, pulling the trigger twoards the ground.

    /me cannot pull the trigger back, then nods.

    /me clips his side arm back into it's holster.

    /me un-slings his MP7A1, and heads outside.

    /me looks around, and heads towards the checkpoint, guarding.

    OTA-NOVA radios in, "Patroling checkpoint. 10-20, outside of the outpost."

    /me checks his surrounding again, notcing nothing wrong, and goes back to the radio.

    OTA-NOVA radios in, "Status; GREEN."



    Provide an example of action roleplay as an Overwatch unit (app. 3+ paragraphs or 30 lines):

    /me walks into the chamber, following the other OTA units.

    OTA-KING says, "Units! We are relocating today! Collect your equipment and follow me!

    /me looks for his supply locker, and collects his medical gear.

    /me checks his weapons, and collects a couple of boxes of ammunition.

    /me closes the locker, and follows KING.

    OTA-KING yells, "Move it!"

    OTA-KING moves to the helicopter, boarding.

    /me hops onto the helicopter, strapping himself in.

    The rest of the OTA units board the helicopter.

    Airwatch radios in, "Units aboard, permission to lift off."

    Dispatch radios in, "Confirmed."

    /it The helicopter lifts off, leaving the heli-pad.

    <::SKIPPING...::>

    /it The heli-copter enters the district, looking for a place to land.

    /me looks around, not saying a word.

    /it Finally, the helicopter lands, opening its doors to the units.

    /me unstraps himself, grabbing his MP7A1 and follows KING outside.

    OTA-KING yells, "Form up! We are searching for anti-civil activity in this area!"

    /it The helicopter flys off.

    /me looks around, noticing a muzzle flash.

    OTA-NOVA yells, "Contact!"

    OTA-KING looks towards NOVA's location, noticing the rebels.

    OTA-KING yells, "Find cover! Use the rubble in this area!"

    /me runs towards the nearest cover, checking his gun to see if it's loaded.

    /me turns off the safety, then leans out of cover, firing.

    /it A rebel is seen hit by a couple of bullets, and falls over.

    /it The nearest rebel next to him yells in panic, and fires off at the OTA.

    OTA-ECHO yells, "ARGH!"

    /me looks over, hearing an explosion and a yell.

    OTA-KING fires at the rebels, then pulls out a grenade, pulling the pin, then throwing it.

    /it The rebels panic, running back down the tunnel.

    /it The grenade explodes, sending shrapnel everywhere in the tunnel.

    /it A rebel gets hit in the foot, falling over and another rebel grabs his hand, dragging him away.

    /me runs over to the injured ECHO unit.

    /me kneels over, pulling out his medical kit.

    /me checks his chest, noticing shrapnel is stuck in his kevlar.

    /me also notices blood seeping from his left leg.

    OTA-KING says, "Treat the wounded, then patrol."

    /me looks up, nodding, and gets to work.

    /me notices that the shrapnel in the units chest did not penetrate, and removes the shrapnel slowly from the kevlar.

    /me looks at the units leg, shrapnel stuck inside.

    /me takes a cloth and wipes away the blood, then takes his anti-septic, and dabs it onto another piece of cloth.

    /me rips open the pant leg to get to the wound, wiping more blood away, and applys the anti-septic to the wound.

    OTA-ECHO looks at his leg while the NOVA unit works on it.

    /me looks at the shrapnel, and takes small calipers from his kit.

    /me opens the calipers up, and uses them to grab the shrapnel.

    /me gently pulls it out, replacing it to the ground.

    /me takes cloth and wipes away the rest of the blood, then takes his bio-gel and slatehrs it onto his hands.

    /me slathers the gel onto the wound and inside of it.

    /me takes bandages and wraps them around the units leg on the inside of the pant leg.

    /me packs everything away, and stands up.

    OTA-ECHO nods, sitting for a bit to let the gel do it's work.

    /me grabs his gear and gun, and continues to patrol.


    Character Information (during 7 Hour War, also OOC)


    Name:

    Affiliated Police Force:
    or
    Affiliated Army: U.S. Army

    Rank: Private First Class

    Role: Medic

    Commonly Issued Primary Firearm: M4A1

    Age: 26

    Weight: 180

    Height:5'7"

    Hair Color: Brown

    Eye Color: Brown

    Ethnicity: Caucasian

    Gender: Male

    Distinguishing Marks: None

    Yes or No? (Still OOC)


    Please mark one with a ✔

    Are you currently a member of the Metropolice Force?

    Yes __ No ✔

    >>

    If so, what rank are you?




    Please mark one with a ✔

    Are you currently a member of the Civil Workers’ Union?

    Yes __ No ✔

    >>

    If so, what do you do for the CWU?


    Do you promise that you will not minge or troll at all or cause any disruption for both the roleplay and the community? Of course.

    Do you promise that you will roleplay as realistically as you can? Overwatch units are supposed to almost all identical in personality and in verbal skill levels..

    Of course I will.


    Last edited by Sinic on Tue Mar 06, 2012 8:57 pm; edited 5 times in total (Reason for editing : Attempted fix of application.)


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    Sinic
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    Re: xDaStallionx - OTA App [DENIED/PENDING]

    Post by Sinic on Sat Jan 14, 2012 5:59 pm

    PENDING

    Well, a bit close to being declined, to be honest.

    The story isn't relatively four paragraphs, just about fifteen sentences and didn't have a unique touch to it, didn't have much of a story except for how he fought and wanted to impress his brother, needed a bit more detail and it seemed to be pretty rushed throughout the entire story.

    The passive roleplay example was pretty good, could of had a bit more detail on each sentence though.

    The action roleplay was very good though, my teacher usually says, if you want a 4+ in your work, go above and beyond, over 50 lines when it should be 30, so that is alright and it was very good, could of still had just a bit more detail, it doesn't need just /me's, but it can use some /it's as well.

    Everything else is fine, but will need some improvement, I hope you will get it improved on your next turn though, because next turn it will either be an acceptance, or a declination.


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    xDaStallionx
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    Posts : 29
    Join Date : 2011-12-21
    Age : 20
    Location : Some place where it's warm.
    Character Name : Hudson Cortez

    Re: xDaStallionx - OTA App [DENIED/PENDING]

    Post by xDaStallionx on Sat Jan 14, 2012 9:46 pm

    Well, I tried. If it isn't good enough, I guess that's fine. I added a new scenario in the backstory and added /it commands into the second RP example. I don't know how to fix details, since it's hard in my opinion on what details you want to see.

    I had to write this in Notepad, since I have no other program that let's me write stuff and actually make it look good.


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    Re: xDaStallionx - OTA App [DENIED/PENDING]

    Post by H.Drescher on Sun Jan 15, 2012 6:30 pm

    WHY PEOPLE ARE TAKING MY COLOR CODED ORGANIZATION AS EXAMPLE :yuno: COME UP WITH ORINGLE COLOR INSTEAD OF USING BLUE LIKE I DID. :fffuuuuu: I am raging. However, I am probably(in fact not EVEN) not the first to come up with color coding organization though.

    Anyhow as I was reading through the application, I HEAVILY noticed in your back story you put a line as a paragraph to make it seem as it was longer, I am rather disappointed in that. Like sinic said, fix up your backstory. Also another helpful thing, make the questions the color blue instead of the answers, because then it becomes an eyesore to read. Onetime I went up onto a website and EVERYTHING was in Bright pink text, which awfully hurt my eyes. I would suggest that you make your answers a color like white. In all in my opinion it is a good application, just fix your backstory to make it not seem like a Dr.Seuss story book. However this is my two cents so please don't kill me.


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    Re: xDaStallionx - OTA App [DENIED/PENDING]

    Post by xDaStallionx on Sun Jan 15, 2012 6:54 pm

    You did that? I just put the color there so people don't get confused on what's just directions, and what's my answer. I just found blue as a good color. I also put spaces between two lines

    so it's easier to read, and you don't end up reading the same line over and over again.

    I actually will change the color, but white seems a bit dull. I'll change it to white anyway. Even though it's a massive pain to delete blue and put in white. :okay:



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    Re: xDaStallionx - OTA App [DENIED/PENDING]

    Post by H.Drescher on Mon Jan 16, 2012 3:42 am

    Actually take a look at my application, I put the Questions in blue, the stories in white, and important things in left. Answers for everything else, just leave them black.


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    Re: xDaStallionx - OTA App [DENIED/PENDING]

    Post by Sinic on Fri Jan 27, 2012 4:21 pm

    DENIED

    It doesn't seem like you have full paragraphs, they are still just very small sentences, I don't know if my declination is a BS reason or not, but you do also have your resistance that Lone has appointed to lead the rebels out of the canals, and you do have a CP, so most likely when we have the coasts set up, you may actually get an OTA, but it hasn't been proven yet.

    I really feel stupid for doing this, because Drescher's and Slystrike's were not the best in the world either, but I needed two more OTA just for a squad to get ready, it was a good application, but you have other things to focus on rather than Overwatch, either way, you may get Overwatch after he escape to the canals, so we will just wait.


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    Re: xDaStallionx - OTA App [DENIED/PENDING]

    Post by xDaStallionx on Sat Jan 28, 2012 12:21 pm

    That's fine. The only reason I made this is because you kept nagging
    me to make it. :fffuuuuu:

    I knew it was coming too, and yeah I do have a lot of stuff on my
    plate.


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    Re: xDaStallionx - OTA App [DENIED/PENDING]

    Post by Sinic on Tue Mar 06, 2012 8:47 pm

    xDaStallionx wrote:That's fine. The only reason I made this is because you kept nagging
    me to make it. :fffuuuuu:

    I knew it was coming too, and yeah I do have a lot of stuff on my
    plate.
    The reason I mainly denied you is that you are the most valuable member of the resistance currently, so is Darnell, and that is the reason why I gave Jordan the role as a Commanding Overwatch Soldier (known as the Overwatch shotgunner), so I can roleplay as Darnell whenever we require an OTA raid, which I shouldn't be babysitting all the time and we all know with Darnell in a firefight, there may be less bodies dropped from a pulse rifle's barrel.
    Even Drescher and Slystrike seem to do good by themselves, I haven't seen them in a full out firefight though, so that criticism will need to wait for now.
    Maybe in the future I could accept you though, you wouldn't need to make a new application, though, since this is already good enough, and meets the acceptable qualifications.


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    Re: xDaStallionx - OTA App [DENIED/PENDING]

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